One Week
by SnowdropNymph
Summary: Lance's downward spiral. Rated T for mild coarse language.


"Here's all the work I've done." Lance entered the bridge and handed over a cube to Allura.

Allura just looked at it, Lance was sure that he had done everything she wanted him too. He had spent days on that thing, waking up early and staying up late, and doing his absolute best.

"It's useless, you were meant to add grenders and winees to it. Also, your wiring was meant to be set out in Ronan's set 3, not 5." She said scowling.

Lance was hurt. She had told him that he was meant to use 5, and she had never said anything about the winees and grenders.

 _You're useless._

 _She hates you._

 _You're worthless._

 _You spent so long on it and you still got it wrong._

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

He just walked out of the room with his head down.

~Day 1~

He didn't want to say anything. He didn't think anyone would care what he said, after all, he was useless, just like what Allura said. His words meant nothing and were merely irritants to the people around him. The morning training was about to start, and Lance was stretching before the harsh exercise that he knew would happen.

Keith came up behind him, "Are you ok, Lance?"

"Yeah, fine," was his only response. Keith couldn't say anything after that, training had just started.

Training was tiresome and merciless. They attacked and defended with the rest of their team. They trained hard, they knew the universe was depending on them. The blue paladin was off today though, Keith noticed. He had less enthusiasm, didn't make any of his jokes and was sluggish and tired.

At lunch, Lance didn't eat anything, he didn't want any of the food. He had skipped breakfast too, he wasn't hungry. He could feel Keith watching him move food around on the plate with his fork, but he didn't say anything, probably because they were in front of others. He could feel his stare for most of the meal. After lunch had finished, he quickly got up and darted from the room, before Keith could question him as he knew he wished to do throughout the meal.

Dark and lonely night had arrived and when Lance was in bed, his gadget buzzed with a message from Keith.

 **Keith: Hey!**

 **Lance: hi**

 **Keith: I was just wondering…**

 **Keith: You didn't really say much today and seemed kind of down and you weren't really focused during training and didn't eat and stuff…**

 **Lance: your point?**

 **Keith: I just want to check, are you ok?**

 **Lance: im fine**

 **Keith: No, I mean really. Come on, you can talk to me.**

 **Lance: im fucking fine**

 _*Lance is now offline*_

He logged off. He didn't want to talk anymore. The blue paladin looked up at his ceiling for a few minutes, thoughts both drifting and flying by.

Lance felt really shitty now. He's screwed that up too. He always screws up everything. Keith is definitely mad at him now.

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

He should just continue not talking. He wouldn't be able to hurt anyone else that way.

~Day 2~

He didn't want anything at breakfast, he still wasn't hungry. A word hadn't left his lips all this morning, but he's fine with that, it was better that way- if he says nothing, he can't screw anything else up.

Lance was in his room, repairing a hole he managed to get in one of his shoes from all his running. He had never been so thankful for soundproof walls, Fake Happy was blasting through his speakers. He heard a quiet knocking on his door and quickly turned the volume off. Pidge came in, "Is everything ok? You've been quite off. Umm.. Do you need a ..uh..um.. a hug?" she asked, awkwardly.

"I'm fine Pidge. There's nothing to worry about." He lied, plastering a fake smile on his face.

"Ok then." she sighed and left his room.

He let out a relived breath. Lance stayed in his room for the rest of the day. He fixed some patches in his clothing and did exercises in his room. He just wanted to distract himself. He just wanted to forget. When he started doing push-ups, his gadget buzzed. He saw that there was a message from Keith and he had also received several messages throughout the day that he didn't see.

 **9:02 Hunk: Hey, I'm baking, wanna give me a hand?**

 **10:16 Keith: Hi, do you want to spend some time together today?**

 **2:54 Shiro: Hi**

 **4:27 Keith: Lance, have you been ignoring all of us all day? What are you doing?**

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

Lance forced himself to get up and go over to the room his gadget says Keith is, to try to say he hadn't been trying to ignore him nor was he mad at Keith.

He goes in and forces himself to talk to the red paladin. They don't really talk about anything; the blue paladin just says he's fine and they do small talk for a little while. When his eyes start drooping, he quietly says goodbye and leaves.

~Day 3~

Lance hardly slept last night. He couldn't, and Coran hadn't made anymore sleeping pills the paladins could use yet, without being poisoned that was. He ate next to nothing, enough to give him a little sustenance, but he couldn't stomach any more than that. He had only eaten a morsel at dinner the night before and that was all he'd eaten that day. He didn't talk at all, unless one of his teammates directly asked him a question and his answers would be the softest of whispers and no more than a few words.

He tried to work on some stuff- cleaning, making a few repairs to the ship, but he couldn't concentrate at all. His thoughts were firing off in his head and then his mind went blank of everything. This continued over and over, making it impossible to do anything.

Hunk and Keith walked by earlier and started talking to him, just about general paladin stuff. Lance's thoughts were firing off in his head.

 _They don't care about what you have to say. Don't say anything._

 _Fucking say something, no one wants to talk to a brick wall._

 _Well, you're more boring than a brick wall when you do talk._

His thoughts were clashing against each other, distracting him from their conversation, so he didn't utter a single word. Hunk and Keith then walked off in different directions with Keith saying how much he had to do.

Later, when Lance was laying in his bed, futilely attempting to get some sleep, he couldn't stop thinking about how shitty a friend he was, how much of a burden he was. It was obvious to him that he was causing the red paladin to ire. He was annoying Keith by not saying anything, but Keith was too busy with his work to worry about him. Lance hated himself for distracting Keith but wished that Keith would just send him a look, anything to show he was worried about him.

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

Maybe he could try and make it up to Keith tomorrow without distracting him from his work.

~Day 4~

Lance hardly slept yet again, staring at the ceiling into the early hours of the morning, his brain not allowing him to succumb to sweet, sweet slumber. He just wanted sleep, preferably for several days- several perfect days of oblivion. When he woke in the morning, he knew he was slowly sinking deeper and deeper. He had no idea how he would manage seeing anyone today, especially Keith or Allura. Luckily, he hadn't seen Allura since the incident because he didn't know if he could say anything to her and if he could, what he would say.

The door opened to the dining room and he stepped inside. Pidge, Hunk, Shiro and Coran were there eating full meals, preparing themselves for the day. The blue paladin went to sit down at the table, attempting to be silent, but then his chair let out an ear-piercing screech. Everyone looked up at him for a few moments, then at each other quickly and then they returned to their meals. Lance sighed internally. He quickly ate a few bites of space goo and excused himself from the table.

He didn't do anything today, he just wandered around. He knew he wouldn't be able to get anything conductive done so he just gave up. He avoided everyone though. Talking meant he would actually need the energy to think. He did go to dinner however. He didn't say anything, didn't eat anything, he just sat there. No one else realised but his thoughts where swirling and trapping him in a whirlpool. He knew he could just take his panic medicine and he would be fine, but that would worry everyone else. He only just sat down, getting up and taking it outside would make them worry. So he didn't take it, he just sat there, staring at this full plate, until he could make an exit. Unknown to Lance, after Keith asked Shiro to try and talk to him and get him to eat something- anything. He knew of the brotherly bond they had developed and thought maybe, hopefully, Shiro would be able to get through to him.

Lance, back in his room, was pouring over everything he'd done, or not done really, that day and analysed and critiqued everything. He probably hurt his friends somehow again today.

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

 _I'm sorry_

He was slowly sinking and sinking until he drowned.

~Day 5~

Shiro saw Lance walking down the corridor near midday, no one had seen him so far today, so he knew this might be his only chance to talk to him before he disappeared again. He seemed awfully fond of that recently.

"Lance," he called out, "I need to talk to you for a sec."

Without waiting for a response, Shiro grabbed Lance's wrist and pulled him into the closest room, one of the old observation decks. The black paladin sat down, pulling Lance down to the floor with him. He grabs a 'muffin' from earlier and puts it on the floor in front the blue paladin. Lance just looked at it like it was a weird, unidentifiable, slightly disgusting, alien object.

The black paladin sighed. He knew he would have to take the 'no nonsense, do what you are fucking told to or I'll make you' approach to get Lance to listen to him. He knew the blue paladin would never admit it but it's what he needed sometimes to help him get back in a better headspace. That way he would actually listen.

"Eat it." He ordered. Shiro heard Lance draw in a nervous breath.

Lance, with a soft, stammering voice, lying, told him, "I- I'm not hungry. I uh… just ate-"

"Fucking. Eat. It." The black paladin growled out. When Lance still did not move, he added, "Now."

The blue paladin slowly grabbed it and took a miniscule nibble. Shiro sent him a sharp look, so Lance kept nibbling away.

"Good. Now, what the hell is going on? You won't talk, you won't eat, you aren't sleeping. Keith is beside himself worrying about you! Even Pidge has tried to make sure you're ok and that was on the _second_ day you were like this! I usually just wait for you to come talk to me when you need it but this is ridiculous. Tell me what on earth is happening! And don't even bother trying to lie to me, you know it won't work." Shiro had started out softly, but quickly, his voice grew louder and more hurried in worry.

Lance snapped, he shouted at the black paladin, "Fucking well make me then." He got up, treading on his muffin as he did, and tried to walk out of the room. Before he could take a second step, Shiro grabbed his wrist and refused to let go.

"You are NOT leaving before you talk to me about this. Stop getting defensive about it and fucking talk to me." Shiro yelled at him. This would take a while, eventually Lance would breakdown and let whatever was on his mind out. Shiro just had to keep up the 'fucking do what I tell you to' tone. Damn, this was hard. He yanked Lance back down to the floor and waited for him to talk.

Lance sat down next to his friend, with his thoughts racing.

 _You screwed up._

 _Fucking answer Shiro, he_ ordered _you too._

 _He's not the boss of me._

 _No, but you respect him enough to do what he says._

 _You've made him angry and worried, you owe this too him. This is your fault. Do what he says._

 _No, he doesn't really want to know what's screwed you up. You owe it to him._

 _No, escape now, just run._

The young man yanked up but all that happens is that his wrist jolts since Shiro still has a firm grip on his wrist.

"I told you. You. Aren't. Fucking. Leaving. So talk." The black paladin asserted, stressing his words by pausing between them.

He could tell Lance was considering saying something. "Now!" barked the elder.

It was then Lance broke down. He told his friend about what happened with Allura how that made him feel worthless and useless. He told Shiro how he thought he made Keith mad at him and had no idea what to do and that made his feel like even more useless and he didn't know what to do. Everything had built up over the week and how he slowly but surely sinking, further cementing himself into this predicament.

Shiro just held him close and hugged him. He knew that's what Lance needed right now. "Shh, shh, it's ok, you're not useless and you're not worthless. Keith isn't mad at you, he's just worried. It's ok, I'm right here. Come on, let's go talk to Keith. But here, have this." He whispered and passed over a 'chocolate' bar Hunk had managed to make. Lance took a few bites and then pocketed the rest for later.

Shiro helped him up and they went to Keith's room, where the black paladin knew he would be. The door whooshed open and clunked shut. The red paladin looked up at the two men who had entered, he saw that the blue paladin had been crying.

Lance came forward and hugged Keith and held on to him for dear life. The red paladin hugged him back and comforted him, "Hey, hey, it's ok, I'm right here, everything'll be fine, I'm not going anywhere."

The blue paladin looked at him like he was scared. He whispered, "I thought you were mad at me. I screwed up. I thought you got really frustrated with me. I told you I was 'fucking fine.' I didn't want to say anything because I thought I would just manage to make it worse."

 _So that's why he didn't talk to me about whatever was on his mind._ The red paladin thought. Keith responded to Lance, "No, no, I wasn't mad at you. I'm not mad at you. I could never be mad at you. I was just worried, and I had so much work to do."

Shiro piped up then, "Now that that's sorted, both of you should go to sleep, it's late."

And with that the black paladin left Keith's room while Lance stayed for the night, curled up in Keith's arms.


End file.
